From Starving to Serving

The Search That Nearly Broke Me

Six years ago, everything I thought I knew about life got turned upside down. Events I never saw coming shattered my comfortable routine and drove me back to church with a hunger I'd never experienced before. For the first time in my adult life, I wasn't just going through the motions - I desperately needed God's Word.

But here's what nearly broke my faith: I couldn't find a church that would feed that hunger.

For 26 years as a Christian, I'd been content with Sunday attendance and occasional Bible reading. I treated Scripture like a checkbox - read it, feel good about myself, move on. I believed that just believing was enough. But when life hit hard, I discovered how spiritually malnourished I really was.

Church After Church, Hunger After Hunger

I started visiting churches, looking for a place where I could learn, grow, and connect with people on the same journey. What I found instead was heartbreaking. Week after week, I'd sit in services hoping to be fed God's Word, only to drive home still starving.

The teaching was surface-level. The small groups felt more like social clubs. Leaders seemed more interested in attendance numbers than actually shepherding souls. I wasn't learning Scripture - I was barely hearing it.

After almost a year of church-hopping, I found myself in a dark place. I had this burning hunger for God's truth, but nowhere to satisfy it. So I did what I had to do: I went home and fed myself. I studied alone. I wrestled with questions in my journal. I dug into Scripture the hard way, with no guide except the Holy Spirit.

Finding Home, Finding Purpose

Eventually, I found a church that not only welcomed my hunger but wanted to walk alongside me. They saw my heart for God's Word and asked me to lead the men's Bible study group. Me - a guy who'd been leading in life for decades - as the oldest sibling, in the Army as military police and infantry, in civilian security, among friends - but had never led anything in church.

I said yes, terrified.

I studied like my life depended on it. I watched other leaders, took notes, asked endless questions. But most importantly, I genuinely cared about the men in my group. These weren't just attendees to me - they were my brothers in Christ. I loved them. I wanted them to experience the joy and peace that comes from truly knowing God through His Word.

As I continue to lead that group, something became crystal clear: the Church has been failing people like me for far too long.

The Clay & Flame Revelation

All those nights I came home from church spiritually empty, having to feed myself - that's when Clay & Flame was born. I started writing down my thoughts, my questions, my discoveries. I documented the long road I had to travel alone to find answers that should have been taught from the pulpit.

The image that kept coming back to me was from Jeremiah 18 - God as the potter, us as the clay. He shapes us into who we need to be, and He uses the flames of our trials to refine us. But here's what hit me: God also uses the leaders in His church as His tools to help shape our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Too many leaders have forgotten this calling. They're content with surface-level teaching that keeps people as casual observers instead of transformed disciples.

Why This Matters Now

I think about all the people who've walked into churches with the same hunger I had. How many of them didn't stick it out? How many threw up their hands after a few months and said, "Oh well, at least I tried," before walking away from faith altogether?

Not everyone has the stubborn determination to keep searching. Not everyone will spend years feeding themselves when the church fails to provide spiritual nourishment. That breaks my heart, because I know the incredible transformation that's waiting for them.

My Mission: Fanning Flames, Not Putting Them Out

This is why Clay & Flame exists. I've been on both sides now - the spiritually starving believer and the leader responsible for feeding others. I know what it feels like to be failed by leadership, and I've seen what happens when leaders genuinely care about transformation over attendance.

I want to equip leaders with tools and methods that go deeper than surface-level discussion. I want to help them recognize the hunger in their people and know how to feed it properly. Because when we fail to fan the flames of spiritual hunger, we're not just disappointing people - we're potentially losing them forever.

The Body of Christ deserves better. Our brothers and sisters deserve leaders who will walk with them through the refining fire, not just wave at them from a distance.

The Potter's Tools

God shaped me through years of struggle, loneliness, and searching. He used the flames of disappointment and hunger to refine my heart for ministry. Now I want to be one of His tools - helping other leaders learn how to truly shepherd souls and create the kind of transformational Bible study experiences that actually change lives.

Because nobody should have to make that journey alone.

Ready to move beyond surface-level discussion and create real transformation in your ministry? Let's connect and explore how the Clay & Flame approach can equip you to fan the flames of hunger in your people.